I am in Ticino as I write, Switzerland’s southernmost and sunniest canton and yet it’s been raining almost non-stop for two days. All I can think about is that life feels strange without my second heart beat next to me. It’s not the first time I’ve had to leave my little Aussie shepherd Bouddi at doggo camp in the name of work and it’s not the first time I’ve missed her presence fiercely. But somehow this week her absence is more felt and I am convinced that it’s because it’s the first time since she came into my life where work hasn’t felt like an emergency response with a thousand urgent things to be ticked off the to do list.
In this moment where I feel calm and regulated and not externally filled with stress, I notice the absence of her little doggo heart beat, usually beside me, sometimes glued to me, immensely. I notice that my own excitement waking up to a new day pales compared to the sheer joy she brings to 6.30am. I notice it’s raining so I see no reason to go outside without her to remind me that the planet is bliss to walk upon whatever the weather. My hands long for the soft, calming touch of her natural fluffiness and I note I don’t feel nearly as fluffy myself without her nearby.
Bouddi, her name means heart in indigenous language, most likely that of the Darkinjung and Guringai peoples, arrived in my life, at the moment when I thought my own heart could not break any harder. She arrived to remind me that I could swap selfishness for selflessness, entitlement for humility, worry for awe, depression for self compassion, and to give me a giant dose of perspective.
It's been almost four years of living together, living with a dog – with Bouddi, with my second heart beat, and I’ve always known that 90 per cent of the time her mood is a reflection of mine, of my energy. She’s my mirror to remind me to check myself, to regulate my emotions, that every second is an opportunity to choose joy. Bouddi taught me to speak to myself, the way I speak to my dog - everything and everyone is AMAZING – including me. From ‘sit’ to ‘place’ to ‘up’ – if I can reward my dog for such simple wins then I can most definitely reward myself multiple times each day.
This week Bouddi is teaching me about co-regulation. Even though I know the science behind this technique, even though I intentionally model a calm and regulated nervous system for my clients, even though I practice this regulation daily, I have failed to notice just how much regulation I receive from my dog. And nervous system regulation is a gateway for health, longevity AND bringing your dreams to life – so it’s way more than just a ‘nice to have’, and more like an essential life hack.
Wake up sleepless - bad luck, let’s go outside and see the world! Snowing like crazy - not to worry, let’s go and enjoy the fresh air anyway! Feeling sad - not a problem, let me wiggle and cheer you up. Anger got the best of you - let the soft stroke of my fur calm you down.
The presence of a dog is but a balm for all the hard and painful emotions that come with life and living. That second heart beat is the safe, steady co-regulation you’ve been seeking. Bouddi’s physical absence from my day to day this week reminds me that I welcome in every walk, every extra pee break, every early morning, every trip to the vet, every bark of excitement, every unreasonable demand for yet another treat. And that I genuinely prefer the time, the routine and the responsibility that having Bouddi in my life gives me, over the absence of her fast beating doggo heart beside me.
If you have or have had a dog you know exactly what I mean. If you’re thinking about getting a dog, then yes - this is your sign! And for those of you still reading and who think wow what a crazy dog lady, may your life be long and laborious without ever knowing the pleasure of a furry friend and regulated nervous system.
Can’t have a dog (even though you want one) but still want to learn how to live with a regulated nervous system? Breathe with me and enjoy the calm. You can practice with me today for free at Donnaprana Global